Where I Stand Now
August 28, 2026, marked precisely 8 years and 8 months since I drew a line in the sand and walked away from alcohol. That same milestone marked 2 years and 3 months since I did the same with cigarettes. While those accomplishments are deeply significant and made a marked improvement in many areas of my life, I had completely convinced myself that conquering those specific vices was the absolute key to achieving complete healing. I was certain that once I had those two giants under control, everything else would naturally follow and fall back into place; that between the removal of alcohol and my deep Faith in God's healing, every relational and physical friction would naturally disappear. I truly believed that after doing that heavy lifting, the broken relationships would mend themselves, everyone would be happy, and we would all walk down life's path together into a golden future.
I couldn't have been more wrong. I was moving forward, but in reality, I had simply transferred my survival instincts onto a different kind of chemical and emotional treadmill. I replaced those ancient, destructive habits with a rotation of legal workarounds that felt benign at the time—Cokes, nicotine pouches, and THCa concentrates—using them to outrun the heavy, unresolved weight of past relational wreckage and the ongoing grief of a fractured marriage I could never change.
Living that way is exactly like that universal dream so many of us share: you are caught in an intense, furious fight, moving as fast and as hard as you can to protect yourself, but no matter how hard you swing, your punches land with absolutely zero force. They are completely ineffective. You burn all your fuel, but you cannot move the needle. For the last two weeks, I have stepped entirely off that treadmill to reclaim my baseline. And while the nicotine has been a brutal, shifting battle, I have stood firm and done exceptionally well clearing out the THCa and the sugar loops. I have finally come to realize that sometimes, walking away from situations you can never fix isn't a failure—it is the only way to get healthy, clear the chemical cross-talk, and finally wake up from the fight. As painful as that may be.
To truly understand why I was stuck on that treadmill despite pouring my heart and soul of my willpower into healing, I had to look directly at the underlying biological data. I utilized AI to begin asking questions in an attempt to understand why things still weren't working. After all, these substances were legal. But I later discovered when I combined these legal substitutes, with my addictive personality, they manufactured a closed, self-destructive chemical loop. Here is the information that I uncovered with the help of AI and a little research:
The Sugar and Carbonation Volatility (Cokes): I was drinking about 6 -8 cokes a day. I wasn't relying on liquid sugar as an emotional fallback, it was just Cokes. I love an ice-cold can of Coke and the feel of the carbonation "hit". But aside from the obvious health warnings we all know about Cokes, mainly they are REALLY fattening, I learned that they also deliver a massive, immediate dopamine spike, that it is instantly followed by a rapid drop in blood glucose. This constant roller coaster tricks the central nervous system into a chronic state of low-grade panic, mimicking true psychiatric flight-or-fight symptoms.
Reference: Clinical case research published on PubMed Central demonstrates how blood sugar crashes directly trigger autonomic neuropsychiatric symptoms, including heart palpitations, shakiness, and generalized anxiety. [1]
The Nervous System Overdrive (Nicotine Pouches): Shifting from tobacco smoke to high-dosage nicotine pouches seemed like a "no-brainer" trade. But a can of nicotine pouches contain more nicotine than a full pack of smokes. They introduce a continuous, heavy stream of an intense chemical stimulant directly into the bloodstream. This artificially forces your internal engines to run hot all day long by chronically stimulating your stress pathways. I do about a can a day.
Reference: Endocrine studies hosted by the National Institutes of Health show that chronic nicotine exposure actively elevates the baseline release of catecholamines, forcing a persistent increase in heart rate, blood pressure, and systemic cortisol stress markers. [1]
The Artificial Suppressor Trap (THCa Concentrates): This one was strange to me at first. The products I was buying could be found in every smoke shop, in every city in the country within a "legal state." It was just a legal way to cool my jets. But, because the sugar spikes and constant nicotine saturation left my mind and body completely over-stimulated by nightfall, I would take a few rips of a high-potency cannabinoid concentrate (wax) as an artificial "wind down process" to help me chemically fall to sleep. There were literally hundreds of times I couldn't sleep at all.
The Catastrophic Sleep Architecture Collapse: While the concentrates gave me a nice chill feeling, unfortunately it never really forced me into a quick physical knockout. But in turn, it did sabotage my brain's natural ability to enter deep, restorative REM sleep cycles. As the substance naturally wears off in the early morning hours, it triggered an intense physical rebound that collides with the morning's first surge of nicotine anxiety—manufacturing a thick, exhausting wall of daily waking depression and insomnia. There have been more times than I can count that this feeling kept me from interacting with my friends, family, and peers. I would literally isolate myself for days, believing that "everybody hated me, and would be happier if I just wasn't around." I just hated to be around people, because I felt that even the people who loved me, didn't like to be around me. Much less the people that were just acquaintances.
Reference: Next-generation polysomnography data from the National Institutes of Health Sleep Research Archive verifies that concentrated cannabinoid exposure proximal to sleep significantly delays REM latency, decreases deep sleep efficiency, and drastically amplifies wakefulness after sleep onset. [1]
You know, my research on this stuff really didn't happen overnight. It literally took me months and months of waking up feeling severely depressed, dragged down, carrying a true sense of self-loathing and a hatred of my situation before I was able to gather up the fortitude to make a change. And in all honesty, it was a combination of persistent prayer, a desire to be better for my friends and loved ones, and a quest to find out if "the old Chris" was even alive in here anymore. Not the old drunken Chris, but the one who enjoyed laughing, having fun, and fully experiencing life once again. After a horrible show one night at what should have been a really fun gig, I made the leap. And I have to tell you, the results have been far greater than I ever would have thought.
Here are the specific, aggressive lifestyle audits I initiated two weeks ago to break the chemical cross-talk, reclaim my physical baseline, and clear my mind:
The Water Flush: Before the change, there were times I would go for long periods with no water. I knew it wasn't healthy then, but I just blew past that fact. Since then, I completely cut out the 6 to 8 Cokes a day and replaced them with a mandatory daily intake of clean, pure water. Flushing the system has entirely eliminated the volatile sugar crashes and significantly dropped my physical inflammation markers. Even though quitting the Cokes was difficult at first, after just a few days, the difference was clear. I feel much better now.
The Total Cannabinoid Freeze: I dropped the legal THCa concentrates completely. Removing this artificial "off-switch" has allowed my brain chemistry to stabilize, resetting my natural sleep cycles so I can wake up clear-headed instead of crashing into morning anxiety. I have to report that I sleep much faster now, and I have very vivid dreams. Dreams take place in the REM sleep stage, so I know that healthy sleep cycles have returned (even though the dreams aren't always great, lol).
The Nicotine Stand: While the nicotine pouches remain a brutal, hour-by-hour physical battle, I am actively attempting to restrict my intake and standing firm, knowing that they are part of the constant stimulant loop that was forcing my nervous system to run hot. This battle remains, but everything is significantly better since alleviating the other big issues.
Stepping off that chemical treadmill has given me back a version of myself I thought was gone. It isn't an easy fix, and it takes deliberate, daily discipline—but my mind and body are healing, and are no longer compromised. I’m shooting straight from the pain of my own reset, but I know I am not the only one fighting a hidden battle.
I want this page to be a safe, open space for real talk. Where are you standing in your personal struggle today? What demons are you facing down? I know that sharing your struggles and your victories can help other folks who have gone through the trenches. If it didn't help, AA and NA and Al-Anon would have closed their doors decades ago. If you would like to help yourself, or help a neighbor, PLEASE drop a comment below—my hope is that we can get together and share our testimonies to strengthen the resolve of others.
God Bless,
Chris Hughes
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